“Rocket Man”

Stella sat in her car staring straight ahead at the light brown brick wall in front of her visitor parking space.  The midmorning sun was rapidly heating the air inside her car, so she rolled down two windows to let a breeze pass over her.  She had arrived ten minutes early and decided to wait before entering the building.  Her mind drifted back and forth from her husband Adam to her four-year old son Trevor, who was twenty miles away at preschool at this moment.

Each morning since Adam left a week ago, her observant and inquisitive son asked about his daddy as soon as he reached the breakfast table.

The first morning after Adam left, Trevor asked, “Mommy, where’s Daddy today?”

“Well, he should be in orbit around Earth right now.”

Trevor stuck his right index finger alongside the right corner of his mouth and looked up to the left.  This was his thinking posture, and Stella knew a question was likely to be on the way.  A few seconds later, Trevor said, “Is Daddy going to the Space Station?”

Trevor is four, Stella thought.  “You know Daddy wanted to tell us where he was going, but he couldn’t.  His mission is a big secret, so we can’t talk to anybody about it.  Do you understand Trev?”

Trevor closed his eyes and nodded vigorously up and down.

Standing outside his bedroom door that night after dinner, she heard Trevor playing the same game he played every day since Adam left.

“Come in, Captain Adam.  This is Space Control.  Come in.”

“Space Control, this is Captain Adam.  Approaching planet Mars.”

“Roger that, Captain.  Might be a rough landing on Mars with all those rocks so be careful.”

“I will, Space Control.  Captain Adam out.”

Stella cracked the door open until she could see the entire scene.  Trevor was lying on his stomach on the blue shag carpet next to his bed.  His Little Tykes spaceship was in his hand, and he guided it toward a landing.  The ship bounced on the carpet and nearly flipped over, but eventually came to a stop.  Trevor lifted the protective dome and the tiny toy astronaut inside left the spaceship in his spacesuit to walk on Mars.

Stella knew the family of every astronaut had to deal with secrets and long absences.  When Adam told Trevor he was going on a mission and might be gone for a month, Trevor had a dozen questions, as usual.  Where was he going?  What was his mission?  Why was it a secret?  Was it dangerous?  Who was he going with him?

Adam went on a mission in space last year, but it wasn’t nearly as long.  And since he couldn’t answer any of Trevor’s questions this time, Stella knew this would create worry in her son, so she watched him now even more closely than usual.

The second night after Adam’s departure, Stella heard Trevor playing again in his room.  “Space Control, this is Captain Adam.  No signs of life so far…wait, here in the sand, giant footprints…”

“Space Control, I’m going to find out what made these giants footprints.  It will be dangerous but that’s ok.”

“Be careful, Captain Adam.”

Stella saw that Trevor had colored a mountain on the side of an upside-down empty cardboard box and placed it on Mars near the spaceship.

Today at breakfast, she said to Trevor, “Guess what?  I’m going to get to talk to Daddy today!  I’m going to Space Control and they’re going to let me see him and talk to him.  Isn’t that cool!”

“Can I come, too?” Trevor asked.

Stella put her hand on his head and tousled his hair.  “You have school this morning, young man.”

Stella blinked hard and exhaled, returning from these memories to her vehicle and the building in front of her.  She picked up her purse and a small shopping bag and moved to the front door of the building.  As she walked in, she saw two security guards and a scanner just inside the entrance.

“Good morning ma’am.  Can you put those bags on the conveyor please.  And your coat, too.

Stella did so and also walked through the metal detector.  After retrieving her items, one of the security guard led her back into the building through two additional security doors.  They were obviously serious about safety.

The guard took her to a small room with a table and four chairs.  He asked her to take a seat while she waited, saying it should only be a few minutes.

Stella removed her coat and put it on the back of a chair.  The room was sparsely decorated and furnished.  The pictures on the walls were a hodgepodge of night skies, beautiful sunsets, beaches and immense forests.  The large window looked out over the impressive grounds filled with green grass, immaculately cut, stretching out in all directions.  About fifty feet from the building were two large oak trees with branches like outstretched arms that created shady respites from the sun.  Stella noticed a group of ten people sitting under one of the trees in a circle.

When she turned her attention back to the room, she thought again of Trevor.

“Mommy, did Daddy go to the moon?”

“No Trev, he didn’t go to the moon.  Eat your breakfast now.”

“Did he go to the Mars?”

“Remember what I told you?  This is a secret mission, so Daddy can’t tell us where he’s going.”

Trevor jumped out of his chair and said, “I bet he went up in a rocket to Mars!”

“I bet you’ll be late for preschool if you don’t hurry up.”

That evening she watched him again from her vantage point just outside his room.

“No signs of life so far, Space Control.”

“OK, Captain Adam.  Maybe you should go back to the spaceship.”

“I will.  First I’ll check behind this mountain.”

“Be careful, Captain Adam.”

“Roger.  I have my laser cannon ready.”

Stella watched Trevor move the toy astronaut toward the box mountain and then reach behind it with his free hand.  Out came a drawing of a scary monster, blue with three eyes and large teeth.  It towered over the tiny astronaut.  With Trevor supplying the roaring voice, the monster charged at Captain Adam, but his crayon-turned-laser fired repeatedly and the monster crumbled to the ground dead.

Stella’s eyes had drifted to the tabletop in the room as she recalled the scene in her mind.  She flinched slightly as the door to the room clinked open and a man walked in and closed the door behind him.  He was in his mid-50’s based on the amount of gray hair in his goatee, and was simply dressed in khakis and a medium blue shirt.  He had serious eyes somewhat offset by a smile.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Pullman,” the man said as he extended his arm.

Stella shook his hand and said, “Stella Jordan.  How is Adam?”

“He’s doing well, Stella.  Why don’t I take you in and you can see for yourself.”

Dr. Pullman opened the door and directed Stella to the left.  They walked a short distance down the hallway and turned into a larger room with another man seated at a table.  He was also casually dressed but with red, puffy eyes and dark circles underneath.

She rushed in and threw her arms around him.

“I missed you so much.  How are you?”  Stella pulled back from him but kept her arms around his waist.  He closed his eyes tightly and bit his lower lip.  Stella heard his inhales come in gasps and felt him shaking.

She pressed into him again and said in a whisper into his ear, “Shh.  It’s ok, it’s ok.  Everything’s ok now.  You did the right thing, Adam.  It’s going to be ok.”

They stayed in a tight embrace for several minutes until his breathing returned to normal.  Stella pulled away slightly so she could see his face.  She kissed him.  She turned around and reached for the shopping bag she had brought.  From it she pulled a thick sheet of paper and handed it to him.

“Trevor drew this for you.”

Adam took the paper and looked down at it.  A man with hair brown like Adam’s stood in a white spacesuit on a red landscape.  On the ground next to him was a dead three-eyed blue monster.  In crayon above the man were the words “Rocket Man Kills Monster.”

Dr. Pullman entered the room and said, “We’re about to start, so can you follow me.  You’ll have more time together later, I promise.”

Stella and Adam put their arms around each other and followed him down the hall to another, larger room.  There were nine people seated in chairs in a circle..  After Adam and Stella sat, Doctor Pullman began speaking.

“Good morning.  Thank you to the family members who have come for today’s session.  We like to begin each meeting with introductions.  Adam, can you please start.”

Adam looked at Stella and said, “Hi, my name is Adam and I’ve been clean for seven days.”