Stephen King’s book “Firestarter”, about a girl named Charlene McGee who develops pyrokinesis (the ability to create fire with the mind), was Alex’s absolute favorite book, so as he ate his Pop Tarts and banana one morning, the CNN headline “Maybe Charlene McGee Is Doing It?” he saw on his IPhone immediately seized his attention:
“The National Interagency Fire Center reported that the Oregon Lakes burn has to date consumed 31,850 acres of woodlands. Commander Matt Bonds was quoted as saying “We believe the fire started in the Low Impact Area military training facility. With the unexploded military ordinance in the region, Mother Nature couldn’t have picked a more challenging spot for our firefighters.”
Through the first five months of the year, nearly fifteen thousand fires have been recorded across the country, putting us in position to surpass last year’s total of twenty four thousand and possibly hit the highest total in decades. While in past years, the carelessness of men was usually to blame, this year fire investigators have been unable to pinpoint the cause of many of the largest blazes. Whatever the reason, Mother Nature’s rage is certainly being felt in the form of devastating fires across the country this year.”
Last year, he would have avoided any such article about disasters because Alex, like many people, reacted to such news with fear and anxiety, afraid that a similar calamity would befall them next.
But he feared no more, because science, or more specifically technology, had provided a solution.
Checking the time on his IPhone, Alex noticed he had lingered over breakfast a bit excessively, so he quickly rinsed his plate and put it in the dishwasher, called out a “bye honey” to his wife Claire, who was upstairs drying her hair and probably didn’t hear it, and managed to open his car door just enough to enter it without resting the door against Claire’s MDX; he prided himself on his ability to keep her car unmarked. He covered the mile ride to the train station, parked and jammed two $1 bills into the parking pay slot and climbed the stairs to the train platform. Two minutes later, he boarded the 7:03 bound for downtown Chicago.
With a forty minute train ride, he returned to CNN’s website and came across another news article which he clicked on and began to read:
“The American Horticulture Society reported today that based on a study by Boston College, plants and flowers in the Northeast appear to be breathing out far less oxygen than previously noted. Typically, plant leaves produce about five milliliters of oxygen each hour (a human needs about 50 liters of oxygen each hour). But in tests conducted last August and September in Maine, plant oxygen production was reduced to only three milliliters per hour. Dr. Bernard Thomas of AHS stated, “We are uncertain as to the cause of this dramatic change, but are obviously concerned since plants play a critical role in the production of breathable oxygen on this planet. We have devoted additional resources to this research and expect to find the answer soon. We as humans can’t afford plants to suddenly become greedy with regards to oxygen.
Alex felt a slight tightening in his neck muscles and the quickening and shallowing of his breath. Fortunately, there was an ER station on the way to work. Hopefully the lines wouldn’t be long this morning.
When he noticed the train was approaching the chocolate factory on the south side of the tracks, Alex stood up and walked down the aisle towards the exit doors. He went into the vestibule and tried to tell whether the train doors on the right or left would open to let the passengers exit. Alex knew everyone played this game. The confident ones descended the three steps until their faces were so close to the door windows that they could see the reflections of everyone behind them without turning their heads. The uncertain ones stood on high between the two sets of facing, descending steps, like noncommittal lovers afraid to pop the question. Alex fell into the latter category. He used to check the train schedule on Metra’s website each morning during the ride in to determine which track his train would be arriving on; that way he would know which side of the train the doors would open on and he could be positioned at them so he would be first off. But he found the information unreliable as track assignments often changed at the last minute and thus the best strategy was to stand between the two sets of doors until he could visually verify the correct choice.
The train doors opened and he descended the stairs to his right. He weaved around the usual slowpokes – Ms. Uncertain, who was trying to decide whether she should have turned right or left when she got off the train; Kid Rock, who was pulling a cooler of beer behind him, undoubtedly heading for some festival that required drinking at 8:00 in the morning; and Mister I Haven’t Checked My Phone In The Thirty Three Seconds It Took To Exit The Train So I Might Have Gotten An Urgent Message, I Better Check, who walked at a snail’s pace while he illuminated his face with phone glare. Alex beat everyone to the revolving doors and into the train station. The ER center was just a block away, which he knew he could cover in about fifty seconds if the traffic light at the corner was friendly.
When he entered the ER station, he was relieved to find there was no one in line for one of the ER booths. He stepped up to it, scanned his credit card and read the messages on the computer screen:
Welcome to Emotional Rescue!
We’re so glad you stopped by today
We promise you’ll be on your way in a few moments
First, a quick review of the process:
1 – Open a new breathing tube from its completely sterile pack
2 – Snap it onto the patented ER Positizer
3 – Place the breathing tube in your mouth and position the cup so your mouth and nose are covered
4 – Wrap the elastic band around your head and adjust the straps for a snug fit
5 – Press the start button on this panel
That’s all there is to it!
In 60 seconds, your negative feelings will be gone
All through the magic of Emotional Rescue!
Enjoy Your Day!
Please check this box to acknowledge acceptance of our Conditions of Use [ ]
Alex had read the Conditions to Use and all the information available from the NHI, DHHS, and OIG on Emotional Rescue to make sure it was safe because that’s what everyone should do.
He unwrapped a breathing tube and placed it in his mouth with the cup covering most of the lower half of his face, and the strap around his head. The tube tasted bitter, which made him wonder if it had been recycled, and the strap pinched his ears into the sides of his head. But he knew it would all be worth it. The anxiety the CNN articles had created within him would soon be stripped away and he could get on with his work day.
He pressed the start button and instantly a low pitched motor began to hum, slight at first but within about ten seconds the intensity picked up such that he felt his mouth being drawn uncomfortably against the cup on his face. Then the sensation came in pulses – first drawing vapors that were slightly green and red tinted from his mouth into the tube then disappearing into the ER machine, and then a pause while oxygen was returned to his body in a reverse flow out of the machine. This push and pull continued for sixty seconds until the low hum of the machine ceased and a new message popped up on the display:
Success!
ER has removed the following negative emotions:
Anxiety
Disappointment
Thank you for using our service
Enjoy Your Day!
Alex exited the ER booth and the station and turned left to walk the remaining three blocks to his office. Disappointment? Where did that come from? Alex thought. Maybe it was the paltry twenty likes he got on his Instagram post last night about his promotion at work – yes, that must have been it. He wasn’t even aware that had bothered him, but that was the beauty of Emotional Rescue – whatever was inside you that was negative, that was bringing you down, that hurt your outlook or your mood, Emotional Rescue found it and took it out of you.
His steps were quicker and his eyes were forward instead of downcast, which allowed Alex to notice the number of people who were suffering from “commuteritis” a clever term he had coined to describe the harried and hurried look on the faces of almost everyone he passed. When he reached his office tower, he scanned his security card, took an elevator to the 20thfloor and made his way to his cubicle to begin his work day. He had only been sitting for a couple of minutes when his cube neighbor, Zack, arrived and said, “Yo, Alex. Did you hear what happened to Adam?”
“No, what?”
“His house got hit by lightning like five or six times last night. He got out, but it burned to nothing. He said like four other houses around him got hit and started on fire, too. Somebody up there must really hate us!”
“Wow, but he’s ok?”
“Yeah, he won’t be in today but he said he was OK.”
“Boy, all his stuff and his house…”
“Yeah”
Alex went back to work but kept thinking about poor Adam. He shot him a text but by lunch hadn’t heard anything back yet. At noon, he and Zack went to get Chipotle, brought it back and sat in a conference room to eat, and Stephen joined them.
“You guys know anything about plants?” Stephen asked.
“Plants? Nothing, why?” replied Zack.
“My wife and I spent like five grand doing landscaping in our yard in the spring and had a bunch of bushes and shrubs planted. They looked great at first, but now they’re all drooping over.”
“Did you water them?” asked Alex. “This May was the driest one since 1970, so maybe they’re not getting enough water.”
“We had our sprinkler system changed so it watered everything and we programmed it to go off four times a week so I don’t think that’s it. It’s weird – they were doing fine and all of a sudden they’re pretty sad looking,” said Stephen.
“I don’t know, maybe fertilize or something. Or don’t spend five thousand bucks on plants, man!” said Zack, laughing.
Alex finished lunch and went back to his cube. He took a minute to scan the news on Fox News’ website and saw a headline that read “The Arrogance of Everest” which he clicked on and read:
“Mount Everest has been harassed into action by an overwhelming collection of climbers attempting to conquer her. She reacted with arrogance yesterday, showing the thrill seekers that she is no grotesque theme park for kitted-up, cashed-up humanity to notch their belts and fill their Instagrams. Seven climbers paid the price when unexpected wind and snow descended and the way home was lost forever.”
So much bad news today, Alex thought! First, Adam’s house, then Stephen’s plants and now the poor climbers. He was supposed to go to Barcade with friends after work, but he texted the group and said he wasn’t feeling good so was going home instead. As he left the office, he just looked forward to getting home, vegging in front of the TV and going to bed early. He shuffled his feet along the sidewalk until he saw the ER station.
Twice in one day? Haven’t done that before, but why not, he thought. He walked into the building and saw all the machines had lines of people waiting, which wasn’t a surprise since a day at work often resulted in people feeling burdened, and wanting some relief before they went home. Before ER, they would have stopped at a bar and calmed their souls with a drink or two, but now that ER was here, it was the preferred method – quicker, no calories and no hangover.
When Alex’s turn came, he went through the same routine with the breathing tube, elastic band, and vapor removal. Unsurprisingly, the screen registered “Depression” when disclosing the removed negative emotion from Alex. You bet I was depressed, thought Alex. Who wouldn’t be after the day I had!
He hopped on the 6:10 westbound train and decided not to risk looking at the news again on the way home, since there was no ER station near his house. Instead, he spent the forty minute ride playing his guilty pleasure, 2048. Most everyone else had panned the game and moved on, but Alex was hooked. He was up to almost 49,000 points and within reach of his all-time high score when he suddenly lurched forward in his seat, his hands knocking into the seat in front of him and his phone falling to the floor. Then he shot back against his seat to the grating sound of squealing brakes.
“What the hell?”
“Why are we stopping?”
The sixty or so people in Alex’s train car all had the same question, but everyone knew instantly they were going to be stuck for a while. Usually such an abrupt stop meant someone or something had been hit by the train, and the resulting delay could be as much as two hours. Half the people pressed their faces against the windows on the side of the car trying to see what was ahead, while the other half called or texted loved ones to say they were going to be home late.
But two minutes later, the conductor spoke over the P.A.: “Ladies and gentlemen, due to circumstances beyond our control, this train will not be moving any further west tonight. Up ahead in Villa Park, a large sinkhole opened and a portion of the track collapsed into it. We will be unloading the train here. Again, this train is being taken out of service due to the track damage in Villa Park. Thank you for your understanding and thank you for riding Metra.”
Alex minimized 2048 and called Claire to ask her to pick him up. He got off the train and walked to the nearest intersection, and texted Claire to tell her he’d wait for her there. She pulled up about 15 minutes later.
“Thanks for coming honey. Boy, there’s some weird stuff happening.” Alex felt like another ER session, but Claire wore a toothless smile that stayed plastered on her face for the entire ride home. He asked twice what was up, but she just said “wait till we get home, honey”.
When they arrived and went inside, Claire wrapped both her arms around Alex’s waist, looked in his eyes for a silent moment and said, “Guess what?”
“You got us tickets to Comic-Con?”
“No, never! Guess again.”
“Our tax refund came?”
The smile turned into a smirk. “No, we are having A BABY!!”
Claire threw both her arms around Alex and held him tight. He wrapped his arms around her but in a loose fashion, which she noticed immediately. She pulled away to arms distance. “Aren’t you excited?”
He was. He was sure he was. But he didn’t feel it. He didn’t feel it. He didn’t feel anything.
“You’re not happy. But I thought you wanted a baby?” Claire was almost in tears.
“I did, I do, I am happy, Claire.”
“Then why don’t you look happy? Why aren’t you excited? You just look…..blank, Alex.” Claire turned and ran up the stairs into their bedroom and slammed the door. Alex stood in the downstairs hallway motionless, searching inside himself for a happy feeling. Where was it?
He stumbled into the living room unsteadily and at that moment, the TV which Claire had left on showed a reporter standing outside a ER station. Alex turned his attention to the newscast in time to hear:
“…General’s office today announced criminal charges against Emotional Rescue, a company providing negative emotion removal services from about 200 locations across the country, including 30 locations here in Chicagoland. The charges include fraud, willful misconduct, and environmental contamination, amongst others. The U.S. Attorney alleges that Emotional Rescue misrepresented the risks associated with its treatments after six individuals came forward over the last week claiming that the company’s treatments, while effective in removing negative emotion, had caused the complainants to lose the ability to experience positive emotions as well. Further, investigators allege the company has been disposing of the negative emotion vapors by pumping them into the ground without proper permits. All Emotional Rescue locations are to be temporarily closed until the investigation is completed. We’ll have more information on this breaking story at 10:00. This is C.D. Bales for Fox News.”
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